THE FIRST STEP TO MENTAL WELLNESS
Photo by Claudel Rheault on Unsplash
DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Everything I share is information gained through personal experience, professional help, and outside resources. It is your own personal responsibility to seek professional help and advice before implementing any life-altering practices. Everyone's mental health journey looks different. My story is just one of millions. If you are feeling lost, scared, alone, concerned, or just not right, I encourage you to connect with a mental health professional. Don't wait until it becomes a crisis.
Ok, so imagine this:
After traveling the country in a camper van for the last year, you’ve decided to rent a partially-furnished apartment, sight unseen. A friend-of-a-friend is the owner, and your bestie has assured you it’s in great shape, clean, and worth every penny.
Move-in day is just a week away, so you go to your favorite eco-friendly, fair trade home goods store (yes, I have dreams of a guilt-free version of IKEA) to pick up the rest of the furniture you’ll need for your soon-to-be new favorite place in the world.
You walk through the store’s sliding glass doors, soaking up the amazing-ness of the possibilities inside, and suddenly realize you have a major problem. Although your friend has described this place several times, they failed to mention an important detail: what furniture is included in this "partially-furnished” space.
You call your friend and start asking all the questions. “If I don’t know what furniture is included with the apartment, how do I know what I still need?”
MENTAL WELLNESS THROUGH KNOWING YOURSELF
Now, think about this very corny metaphor in terms of your mental health.
How the hell are you supposed to know what you need to grow in your mental wellness if you don’t know what’s there?
Well, there’s one way to find out: get to know yourself. Explore your personality. Become self-aware. Fall in love with you from the inside out.
You’ve heard the expression, usually said by a significant other or a well-intentioned parent, “I know you better than you know yourself.” Well, here is where that saying begins to no longer apply to you. You need to know yourself better than anyone else in order to know what you need to care for yourself and foster mental wellness.
Not sure how to learn more about yourself? I’m going to share a few ways to start shifting your mindset to intentional self discovery.
ASK YOURSELF
Asking yourself questions to foster critical thinking will really show you a baseline of who you are emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am going to warn you: you may experience some challenging emotions or memories, but that’s all important in the process of discovering who you are and finding mental wellness.
You can intentionally sit down and journal through these prompts or just keep them in mind as you live your day-to-day. Obviously, this isn’t a complete list of questions, but should be enough to get you started.
What makes you feel most like yourself, the epitome of who you are? What takes you off-course and makes you feel lost?
Are you hard on yourself? Are you judgmental, unkind - maybe even abusive - in your thoughts towards yourself?
What brings you life? Joy? Fills your soul?
What triggers your anger? Frustrates you? Overwhelms you?
How do you react in specific situations? Why do you think you react with that particular emotion?
Are there emotions, people, or situations you routinely, and perhaps unconsciously, avoid? How about ones that make you happy or motivate you?
Are there things hiding in your mind and memories you buried away a long time ago? Do you feel the need to escape each time they suddenly appear in your thoughts or daily life?
How do you approach food? How do you feel - emotionally and physically - after eating? Are there things your body doesn’t like when you eat? How about caffeine and alcohol?
What about exercise? How do you approach intentional physical movement? Are there mental barriers or fears of failure standing in your way?
Don’t feel like you need to tackle all the questions in one day, because honestly, it’s impossible. You can’t get to know someone truly until you’ve spent significant time with them, experienced different seasons of life together, and taken notice of their quirks, downfalls, and strengths. The same goes for yourself. It will take time, and the process won’t ever be complete.
ASK THE TESTS
Oh, the all-powerful personality test. Some people believe personality tests aren’t worth anything and are a waste of time. Personally, I strongly support them. At the very least, I believe they bring you small insights into who you are, and sometimes even the questions alone are enough to trigger new self-exploration. With that being said, it’s also important to remember: the results should be used to assist you in your mental wellness, not taken as a blueprint of who you are “supposed” to become.
My two favorite tests to date are the Enneagram and CliftonStrengths Assessment.
ENNEAGRAM
Proud Enneagram 6w7 here! When I took this test and read about my “6” result, I cried, literally cried. I was looking at my personality laid out in an article written by someone else who had never met me. This meant, there must other people in the world who were like me - even more proof I wasn’t alone. Learning about my life as a so-called “Loyalist” made me more aware of the motivations behind my thought processes, and warned me of unfortunately-already-familiar pitfalls. Once my husband took the test, it brought our relationship to a whole new level. We now better understood what each other’s motivations were in a way neither of us could have communicated clearly ourselves.
Enneagram websites and social media accounts are too numerous to count. When we took the test years ago, I found a random free site, then headed to Enneagram Institute to read all about my result, my husband’s result, and our relationship type combination. Now, I recommend going to an established site for the test. I would suggest trying Truity for your first stop, where both free and paid versions of various personality tests are available, but the Enneagram Institute is always an option as well.
Once you think you have your number, check out Sleeping At Last’s album with songs from the perspective of each type. Mind. Blowing.
CLIFTON STRENGTHS ASSESSMENT
I had heard about CliftonStrengths for years, but just took the test this past May. Yes, it is a paid test (at the time of writing, $50 for the full report), but for my season of life and my business, I found it very helpful.
The results of this test helped me to reframe abstract traits I suspected I possessed into confirmations of strengths and how I could embrace and utilize them in everyday life. For someone who struggles with thoughts of not being “good enough” and constantly questioning myself, this was a healing process. Reading through the results brought a palpable shift in my mindset and brought confidence and pride in who I am.
ASK THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU
Remember when I said someone else knowing you better than you know yourself was about to change? Well, right now, that expression may still prove to be true. Sometimes the best way to get to know yourself is asking for outside perspective from those you trust and are closest to you. They may have picked up on strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and reactions you haven’t noticed in yourself. Family member, significant other, sibling, bestie, co-worker… all good places to start. But burn this into your brain: you can’t get mad or defensive if they point out a trait you view as negative. You asked for them to be real; you have to be ready deal with the response.
ASK A PROFESSIONAL
Even if you feel you are in a good place, having a mental health professional on your health care team is important piece of mental wellness. Periodic check-ins with an unbiased, outside perspective from a trained professional are always beneficial.
Are you thinking this step is overkill and unnecessary? Do you say that about yearly physicals with your primary care physician? It’s the same thing. We go to the doctor each year to make sure our body is healthy and functioning properly. Why wouldn’t we do the same for our mind and emotions?
MENTAL WELLNESS TAKES TIME
Learning who you are and becoming self-aware takes time and is an ongoing journey. It’s a habit that needs to be cultivated and exercised before it can become an unconscious tool in your mental wellness kit.
The reward to knowing yourself is huge. Though self-discovery you learn what parts of yourself need to be addressed and prioritized. You start to sort the distorted thoughts and ideas from the truths and realities of your life experiences. Cause and effect in your day-to-day suddenly becomes more clear.
You’ll also quickly see that physical, emotional, and mental wellness is often like home ownership: you may think you’ve handled one issue, but along the way, another concern has come to the surface. Yet, many of us still purchase homes because for us, the benefits out way the cost. The same goes for your health: the long-term benefits outweigh the potential costs, like uncomfortable emotions, hard work, and long-awaited healing.
So here’s the question: are you ready to take the first step into mental wellness? Are you ready to uncover this person you’ve been acquainted with for so long, but still don’t really truly know? I’m so excited for you to begin this process, and join me on this never-ending journey to self discovery.
Through small steps, hard work, and patience, one day, we’ll be able to confidently say no one knows us better than we know ourselves.
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